Jealousy, lost dreams and love / by Lisa Robinson-Howeler

I scroll down the page and my heart sinks. Here I am again, feeling left out and less than.

A group of photographers met up and their meeting was full of creative opportunities. They're all sharing photos and gushing about the chance to expand their artistic wings.

Comments on each other's photos range from "amazing!" To "outstanding". My photo, posted five hours ago, has three pity likes and no comments. In some ways I feel like I'm in high school again.

I look around my room

Our washer just died and I'll most likely be packing up the laundry to visit the local laundry mat the next day.

The cat is screaming and I'm threatening to throw her in the street if she wakes up the kids. My bedroom is a mess and I know I need to add cleaning it to my list of chores. There are groceries to buy, diapers to change, playgrounds to visit, bills to pay.

Artistic outings aren't a reality in my world.

I feel the envy rising up.

The comparison game is being played.

The dreams never realized are on my mind again, long after I thought I had succeeded in pushing them into the box marked "failed ventures. Move forward and don't look back."

It's days like this that remind me social media breaks are needed and necessary and welcomed. To stop the voices, the comparing, the wishing, the envy and the hurt.

I look around me and my children are asleep next to me. The cat has finally stopped screaming and she's asleep at the end of the bed.

I've been reading more about God and His plans for our lives.

I've been claiming His healing, listening for His voice.

I don't know why some of my dreams were never realized or why I always seem to be on the outside looking in when it comes to the photography circle, but I know I am a child of the one true king, a mother to two amazing children, and success isn't defined by accolades or attention but by love.

And I am loved.

And so are you.

Lisa R. Howeler, copyright 2017